Why parents fuss about the cuss

More children are using bad language with abandon. Their blushing parents don’t know what to do
Mansi Choksi TNN
Recently, a British schoolteacher asked the ten-year-olds in her class to list the rudest words they knew. She was so aghast at the outcome that she ordered the children to rip the scat-spattered pages from their exercise books. Here, in Mumbai, things are hardly different. Seven-year-old Rafiq who goes to Podar High School left his parents dumbfounded when he used crude Hindi slang for female genitalia in the middle of a conversation. A first standard teacher at a south Mumbai IB school found herself turning several shades of pink when a student showed her the finger when asked to spell a word. Six-year-old Tanya went around chanting the fourletter F word at a family function until she was spanked by her father. Blame it on casual usage language among parents (swearing at home was almost unheard of a generation ago), exposure to television and cinema and the blurring boundary between what is acceptable and what is not—the fact is that kids are cursing away to glory. Counsellor in child development Chandni Srinivasan says that the boom in video games and television shows is partly responsible for kids picking up foul speech. “Kids don’t get these words from school because they move around in their own age group. They overhear role models like older kids, parents, domestic help or movie stars. Young kids watch Friends, which may seem sober, but does have some content which is not suitable for an impressionable mind,’’ she says. “Words like ‘loser’, ‘idiot’ and ‘damn’ are becoming common and parents seem to be okay with it.’’ ‘Children must draw the lines themselves’ Mumbai: Distracted parents may simply don’t know how to deal with the cuss offensive by their children. Dr Seema Khan, Rafiq’s mother, blames it on bad company. “I have even complained to his class teacher because he is picking up the words from friends,’’ she says. Eventually, the doctor sat her son down and told him that ‘good boys’ don’t use ‘bad words’ and that it embarrassed the family. Maureen Sequeira, principal of playschool Headstart, says that it’s important for parents to show restraint. “That’s why we screen the parents of children before admissions,’’ she says. Counsellor Srinivasan says she gets several cases of anxious parents trying to deal with kids picking up the four-letter word. “Most parents are careful about what they say in front of their children,’’ she says. But kids are equally careful about not using the words in front of their parents first. “It’s usually the parent of the friend who tells on a kid.’’ Arundhati Chavan, president of the Parents Teachers’ Association United Forum, says that until a few years ago kids were hesitant to use foul language in front of elders, but now they don’t seem to feel all that bashful. “I remember using the word ‘saali’ when I was a kid and remember feeling immensely guilty after being scolded by my mother. But I don’t see it with my own kids,’’ she says. Another parent, Dipika Vaz, says that the trick is in making the child draw the line herself. “It’s not possible to shelter your child from everything. My seven-yearold asked me what a bad word meant and I told her that when she grows up, she would find out for herself. You have to be firm, but there’s no point shouting. It’s not such a calamity, you just have to deal with it with a cool head,’’ she says. Child psychologists emphasise that the way the issue is tackled is crucial. “If you shout at them or talk down, it will make them more curious and if you ignore it to deprive them of the attention they are seeking, you’re not dealing with the root of the problem. The ideal thing to do in a situation like this is to treat them like adults and talk to them in a mature way,’’ says Srinivasan. Sequeira says that in her school, when a kid utters a bad word, he or she is asked to ‘go and wash your mouth’. “There should be a negative reinforcement for the bad word by depriving them of something they want and they should be rewarded when they substitute a bad word for another one,’’ she says. But that may have its pitfalls too. Take the example of Goregaon mum Nisha Mehta. Mehta told her daughter that the meaning of ‘bitch’ was ‘bad’. She came running to her the next day saying, “I got a bitch hurt,’’ pointing to a cut on her knee.